Sisters Eloise and Ursula Youd (Photo courtesy of Ursula Youd)

From Being Docile to Having Authority

A Soft-Spoken Girl with Four Siblings Finds Her Voice

By Ursula Youd

From Youd’s short film, “Our Girl”

This article is part of the Stage Raw/Unusual Suspects Youth Journalism Fellowship

During my 17 years there has never been a dull moment for creativity.​​ That doesn’t necessarily pertain to my personal ability to create something, as I once could only convey my thoughts in child-like ways. That has evolved with the passing years. Art has always been around me, and I’ve never found it dull. From when I first discovered the ability to anxiously observe and analyze, my curiosity never went away. Perhaps my premature preoccupation with the rabbit holes of human nature set me up for a lifetime of unwanted anxiety, but it has benefited me in my ability to have the voice I have today.

A lot of artists have pivotal moments that start their pursuit of a purpose. For me, it took several false starts: I was handed crayons and a Moleskin notebook at age 3. Drawing never turned out to be my thing, that is more for my younger sister and our dad. Drumming was something I was good at for about eight years, I did love it, it just wasn’t totally for me. But among those years of doing something I knew wasn’t going to stick, I had unknowingly built up a love for storytelling.

When I was about 6, I received my first camcorder. It was so spectacular to me that I could just press a red button and I could document anything I desired. For a good couple of years that device never really left my side. I was constantly directing fictitious short films and fantasizing of the endless stories I wanted to make. I probably have over 500 shorts that range from two to 20 minutes.

To get to the development of an artistic personality, and the growing authority of having a voice, let me start with how I navigated life in my family. I am one of five children, I have a sister who is a year younger and three brothers who are six, 17 and 20 years older than me. I also have consistently had six dogs and at least two cats for a significant part of my life. I have always been the most soft-spoken sibling out of the bunch. I could also say I have been the most selfless ever since I became aware of my surroundings. I would never classify my siblings as selfish; they just have their own ways of thinking.

I have had my fair share of screaming fits with my sister due to us sharing a room for 12 years and having always gone to the same school. We would, and sometimes still do, fight over things that do not need to be fought over; friends, clothing and whose side of the room is whose. But, humans are inherently territorial so there is no one to truly blame. I would say I won 20 percent of the quarrels, and I never dared calling one of my brothers out because they were all in their angsty phases.

Having older brothers is something that I wish everyone could experience. The only downside is that I don’t know how I have not built up a tolerance for being made fun of, because quite frankly I still cannot take an insult without replaying the remark in my head for a year. (My sister on the other hand, would always try her hardest to get the last word in, and she usually was able to. I still cannot be that person and I sometimes do admire my sister for that.)

My relationship with my siblings has significantly shaped me. They are a huge reason why I have continued to take the path of writing and filmmaking.

A screen capture from “Our Girl” directed by Ursula Youd

I am a junior at the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts (LACHSA) and I am in the cinematic arts department. It had been my dream to attend LACHSA ever since I was around 9. I applied for freshman year and ended up being put on the waitlist. I was devastated but still determined to reapply for my sophomore year. I got in a year later, and so did my sister (in the visual arts department). That day, I told my dad that the department was going to see stories they have never seen before.

Flash forward to the summer before I go to my new school; I get a text from a group of LACHSA kids, where I had already built a relationship with a couple of them, and they were asking me if I wanted to direct a short film for the 64 hour film festival. I had never been so excited in my life! However, me trying to describe what the 64 hour film festival is to someone who has no idea what that means is like trying to untangle a wad of necklaces. But, in short, my department gives out random prompts to each group of kids participating in the festival and as soon as everyone gets their equipment and prompts from the department, we have 64 hours to write, shoot, and edit a short film. I could say that it is the most stress-inducing three days ever. I ended up hosting the whole crew at my house and creating a movie with the given prompt, “Barbie LaLa Land.” That was the first time I really had worked with other people on a set and I was so thrilled. That was the weekend that I knew I was doing what I loved to do. I adored having authority, it was the first time I really felt like I was able to have a voice people would actually listen to. From that point on, I have directed and written three more films and I am currently in pre-production for the fourth one.

When I am not actively directing, I go back to being less outspoken, but I definitely have grown over the years to be able to state some opinions. If I was able to tell my younger self that I can get a whole room of people to listen to me, I would not believe it. I still do not necessarily have a clear idea of what my future career will be,but I definitely have made building blocks of passions that will reflect who I am and what I will do later on. I believe that being 17 and having my foot in the door is an occurrence that a lot of people have not had, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Being the type of person who is anxiety-filled and hyper aware of almost everything is oddly something I appreciate. I would not be able to be the writer I am today, and without being pushed around by my siblings, I do not know if I would have found my love for directing. It is intimidating that there is a whole life ahead of me with obstacles that I can not even imagine, but I know that if I was able to grow into my skin now, I should be able to do so again, ten years from now.